Seeing Is Believing.....

A friend of mine once told me, when someone shows you themselves....believe it for what it's worth. How many times have we heard ourselves say, "I thought I knew him" or rather, "I can't believe he did this to me, that's not like him." Suddenly, after a few months (or a few years in some cases) of dationg, your relationship has drastically changed. The things he did before, he no longer does. And the commitment you long for seems like the farthest thing from his mind. He would much rather watch the worst team in the NBA play on television.
The truth is, it's not that he doesnt like you. He may very well adore you. He even seems to enjoy your company. But the fact still remains, when you first met him, he told you he wasn't interested in a relationship. And the man wasn't lying. Coincidentally, or not coincidentally, you decided to stick around for the ride. Yes, it's true, we love dewlling on the stereotypes of ignorant, insensitive, and afraid of commitment type men. But, ladies, what can we attribute guilt to? Offar more reasons than one it seems.
As a fellow woman, I too have made the mistake of 1.)hearing what I wanted to, 2.) believing in whatI wanted to, and 3.) doing exactly what I wanted to. No matter the costs. Holding no bars.
First things first, women could use a super q-tip when engaging in any conversation with a man. When he said, "I'm not looking for a relationship", you heard and applied it as, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but things could change and it could turn into one." Sometimes, what we choose to identify with is not exactly a firm reality.
In life, there is a given that people may not always say what they mean and mean what they say. But, when it comes down to making a serious commitment...that usually isn't the case.
The second disillusionment comes with the belief factors. As women, we want to believe we can change a man into wanting to stay with us and commit to us (aka...being that great cook or erotic sex partner). We also want to believe that Mr. Debonair is actually more than he is turning out to be...because of the initial investment and all. So what if he doesnt ever pick up when I call and always calls me back? Does that mean he has someone else or doesnt like me? He could be busy. Right.....there is perhaps a strong correlation between lack of communication and disengagement...or maybe thats just me? Instead of grasping the obvious, we stick with the fantsy. Isn't it easier that way? Gifts and great sex are always mechanisms that can keep us dumbfounded, but they do not create true intimacy.
The third issue is the fact that many times we follow what we want, even if it's not the best thingfor us. In other words, we do what we want instead of following the best logic. In plainer words, we just dont give a (bleep). Thus, leaving us with a boken heart. Two months turned into two years and we're left staring back at absolutely nothing.
But wait! There is still a way that you can come out of the relationship with minor scrapes and bruises. You can gather your dignity, know your self worth, and call it a learning experience. The kind that make girls turn into women. Trust me, I would know.....that girl was once me.